How to Grow in Humility

Humility, root and guardian of all virtues

In the spiritual tradition, humility is not just one virtue among others: it is the soil in which all the others can grow. Saint Augustine makes it the condition for any interior edifice — one can only build high by first digging deep:

"Do you wish to be great? Begin from the least. You think of raising a lofty building; first give thought to the foundation of humility. The greater the edifice is to be, the deeper the foundation must be dug." — Saint Augustine, Sermon 69, § 2^[1]

Félicité de Lamennais (1782–1854) — merely the translator of The Imitation in the 19th century, an author later condemned by Gregory XVI (Mirari vos, 15 August 1832; Singulari nos, 25 June 1834), not to be taken for a saint or a doctor — says it in his own way in the personal Reflection appended to his translation: it was pride that caused man's fall, and humility that raises him up.

"Pride ruined man, humility raises him up and restores him to grace with God." — Félicité de Lamennais, Reflection on The Imitation of Christ, Book I, ch. 2^[2]

To desire to grow in humility, then, is not to aim for an isolated moral quality: it is to make possible charity, patience, obedience, prayer. A proud soul may accumulate brilliant deeds; but without this foundation, neither peace, nor security, nor perfection can stand.

"God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble"

The most decisive reason to seek humility is that God Himself requires and rewards it. Scripture repeats this from one Testament to the other:

"God opposes the proud, to the humble he gives grace." — First Letter of Saint Peter 5:5 (quoting Proverbs 3:34)^[3]

And Jesus makes it a law of the entire Kingdom:

"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled; and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." — Gospel according to Saint Luke 14:11^[4]

To grow in humility is thus to place oneself in the very current of grace. Pride closes the soul; humility opens it. This is why the Catechism teaches that "humility is the foundation of prayer": as long as we believe we can suffice for ourselves, we ask for nothing; when we recognize that "we do not know how to pray as we ought" (Rom 8:26)^[5], God can fill us^[6].

A virtue one never possesses "enough"

A particularity of humility: one never attains it as a summit where one can rest. As soon as we think ourselves humble, we are no longer so. This is why tradition always speaks of growth — a movement that ends only at death.

This unending progression is not discouraging: it is the sign that the spiritual life remains alive. To desire to grow in humility, and not to possess it, is already the right disposition.

📖 See also: The necessity of humility and the danger of pride — why this virtue is central and why its opposite is so dangerous.

Before discussing the means, a clarification: many fail to grow in humility because they aim for a caricature of this virtue. It is confused with self-contempt, timidity, or the systematic refusal of any compliment. Yet authentic humility is something entirely different.

Humility Is Truth, Not Self-Contempt

The most accurate definition comes from Saint Teresa of Avila: humility is walking in truth.

“One day I was wondering why Our Lord loves this virtue of humility so much; and here is the thought that suddenly came to me, without, it seems, any reflection on my part: it is because God is sovereign Truth, and humility is walking in truth.” — Saint Teresa of Avila, The Interior Castle, Sixth Mansions, ch. 10^[7]

To walk in truth is to recognize both my misery and my gifts—without inflating or diminishing either. Saint Francis de Sales expressly warns against false humility that would deny the graces received: acknowledging what God has placed in us is not pride, provided we attribute it to Him.

“We should not fear that the knowledge of what He has placed in us will make us proud, provided we are attentive to this truth: that what good there is in us is not from ourselves.” — Saint Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, Part III, ch. 5^[8]

Therefore, growing in humility does not mean sinking into a poor self-image: it means relating everything back to God. The article Knowledge of the nothingness of man develops this twofold perspective; we refer you there for the foundation.

Distinguishing Humility from Timidity and Pusillanimity

A humble soul can be bold: Mary sings a canticle of gentle revolution, Catherine of Siena rebukes the powerful, Joan of Arc commands armies. Humility does not suppress courage, speech, or responsibility; it purifies them from self-seeking. Conversely, chronic timidity and perpetual discouragement are often disguised forms of wounded self-love: one withdraws not out of humility, but because the hoped-for esteem was not obtained. For these common confusions, see Common errors concerning humility.

Tradition understood very early that humility is acquired step by step. Rather than a leap, it describes a ladder. Knowing these stages allows us to see where we are and what step to take next.

Saint Benedict: The Twelve Degrees of Humility

In the 6th century, Saint Benedict devotes one of the longest chapters of his Rule—chapter 7—to humility. He takes up the image of Jacob’s ladder (Gen 28:12): one ascends to God not by rising, but by descending.

“If we wish to reach the summit of the highest humility, […] we must set up and climb by our actions this ladder that appeared in Jacob’s dream. […] One descends by self-exaltation and ascends by humility.” — Saint Benedict of Nursia, Rule, ch. 7^[9]

Benedict then describes twelve very concrete degrees, which form a true program of growth—from interior fear of God to visible humility of the body:

Reading the table: the first degrees work on the inner gaze and will; the middle degrees, on relationships with others and with trials; the last, down to gestures and words. Together, they outline a humility that descends from the heart to the body.

The goal of this ascent is not moral rigidity, but the freedom of love. Benedict promises that at the summit, one observes “as if naturally” what was once difficult, “no longer out of fear of hell but out of love for Christ”^[10].

Saint Bernard: Ascending by Descending

Around 1124, the young Saint Bernard of Clairvaux writes his first major treatise, The Degrees of Humility and Pride. He takes up the twelve Benedictine degrees, but sheds light on their dynamic: humility is the path to truth about oneself, and pride a symmetrical fall, degree by degree. For Bernard, everything begins with self-knowledge:

“I want the soul, then, to begin with itself […]. This knowledge does not puff up, but humbles, and prepares us to be built up. For the spiritual edifice can stand only on the stable foundation of humility.” — Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, Sermons on the Song of Songs, sermon 36, § 5^[11]

Bernard’s contribution is to show that humility is not merely an effort of the will: it is born from a true gaze that one learns to cast upon oneself, and which, far from crushing, “prepares us to be built up.”

Saint Francis de Sales: From Outward Humility to Humility of the Heart

A thousand years after Benedict, Saint Francis de Sales proposes a progression adapted to laypeople and those living in the world. In his Spiritual Conferences to the Visitandines, he distinguishes degrees of humility ranging from outward humility (accepting visible humiliations) to humility of the heart (truly loving one’s littleness), even to rejoicing in being unknown. He warns of the danger of “false humbles”: those who speak ill of themselves so that others will contradict them^[12]. For him, growth is measured less by words of humility than by the peace with which one welcomes real humiliations.

📖 See the detailed article: The knowledge of man's nothingness, which produces humility — where the five Salesian degrees and the doctrine of self-knowledge are developed.

Here is the practical heart of this article. The spiritual masters do not merely define humility: they point out specific, repeatable means within everyone's reach. These can be grouped into several major areas.

Asking for Humility in Prayer

The first and most decisive means: humility is a grace, not merely an achievement. It is not manufactured by sheer willpower; it is asked for. The Catechism reminds us that humility disposes us to receive the gift of prayer freely: “Man is a beggar before God”^[13]. To ask for humility is already to practice it.

A prayer has become classic for this purpose: the Litany of Humility, traditionally attributed to Cardinal Rafael Merry del Val (1865–1930), Secretary of State to Saint Pius X, who recited it after Mass. It asks, one by one, for deliverance from the craving for esteem:

“From the desire of being esteemed… deliver me, Jesus. / From the desire of being loved… / From the desire of being honored… / From the fear of being humiliated… / From the fear of being despised… deliver me, Jesus.” — Litany of Humility, attributed to Cardinal Merry del Val^[14]

Praying in this way regularly works a hidden transformation: little by little, we stop begging for the esteem of men and seek only that of God.

Knowing Oneself Before God: Examination and Prayer

Humility is born from the truth about oneself, and this truth is discovered in the silence of prayer and the examination of conscience. The author of The Imitation puts it in a lapidary formula:

“He who knows himself well despises himself and takes no pleasure in the praises of men.” — Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, Book I, ch. 2^[15]

Practically: each evening, take a few minutes to review your day before God—not to torment yourself, but to see with clarity and peace where self-love has played a part—touchiness, the need to be right, comparison, seeking the approval of others. This simple, repeated exercise disarms pride more effectively than great efforts. Prayer, for its part, places the soul under the gaze of God, where no one remains puffed up for long.

Accepting Humiliations as the School of Humility

This is the most effective means—and the most feared. There is a crucial difference between loving humility and accepting humiliations. One may desire the former and flee the latter. Yet, the masters say, it is in humiliations accepted without rebellion that humility truly grows. Lamennais, in the Reflection appended to his translation of The Imitation, points to the revealing sign:

“What troubles you is pride which cannot bear to be reproved. The humble person is not irritated, is not disturbed, even when passion condemns him unjustly.” — Félicité de Lamennais, Reflection on The Imitation of Christ, Book II, ch. 2^[16]

To grow here means: to welcome the small daily humiliations—a remark, being overlooked, a failure, a sometimes unjust criticism—as so many opportunities offered. Not to seek them out in an unhealthy way, but to stop systematically avoiding them, and when they come, to say with Christ: “Yes, Father, for such was your gracious will”^[17]. Saint Benedict made this his fourth degree: to remain “in silence,” without growing weary, even in the face of what is hard and unjust^[18].

Not Justifying Oneself or Complaining

A direct consequence of the previous point, but precise enough to be a practice on its own: refrain from justifying yourself when corrected, and from complaining when wronged. How many words serve only to restore our image? Saint Philip Neri, a master of humility through humor, advised never to defend oneself, even when wrongly accused, except in cases of real necessity; he himself multiplied occasions to appear ridiculous in order to die to self-esteem^[19]. Deciding, once a day, to let go of a justification—not to have the last word, not to correct a small injustice to our own detriment—advances us more surely than many heroic resolutions.

Serving in the Shadows and Choosing the Last Place

Jesus gave a clear command for growth in humility: “On the contrary, when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place […]” (Lk 14:10)^[20], and he lived it by washing his disciples’ feet (Jn 13:14–15)^[21]. Choosing the last place is expressed in very concrete actions: accepting hidden and thankless tasks, letting others have the credit and visibility, serving without being noticed. Little Thérèse of Lisieux made these small things the heart of her “little way”: serving without being seen, bearing with the faults of a disagreeable sister, not seeking to stand out. These “little things”, she says, done out of love, are worth as much as great works^[22].

Obeying and Submitting

The 2nd, 3rd, and 4th degrees of Saint Benedict revolve around obedience: renouncing one’s own will, submitting, persevering even when the command is unpleasant. For a layperson, this does not mean monastic obedience, but a real docility: to the will of God manifested through the duties of one’s state, through the Church, through legitimate authorities, through the circumstances permitted by Providence. Submitting to a schedule, to a decision contrary to one’s preferences, to the opinion of a spouse or superior without making a drama—this is humility growing in the concrete. Obedience strikes at the root of pride’s claim to control everything by oneself.

Acknowledging One’s Faults: Confession and Admission

The fifth Benedictine degree is to humbly confess one’s faults and even evil thoughts. Regular sacramental confession is, in this respect, a school of humility without equal: speaking one’s sins aloud, before a priest, breaks the instinct to present oneself in the best light. More broadly, knowing how to admit one’s wrongs—simply saying “I was wrong,” “forgive me,” without embellishing or minimizing—is one of the most liberating and rare acts of humility. For how to look at one’s faults without discouragement, see Humility and trust: changing our view of our sins and Using our sins to increase our humility and trust.

Attributing All Good to God: Thanksgiving

Saint Benedict sums up a golden rule of humility: when you see some good in yourself, attribute it to God; when you see evil, know yourself to be its author^[23]. In practice, thanksgiving is the exercise that embodies this truth. Each time you succeed, are praised, or bear fruit, you can inwardly return the glory to the One from whom all things come: “Have you anything you have not received?” (1 Cor 4:7)^[24]. This habit disarms vanity not by denying the good done, but by placing it at its true source. To give thanks often is to remain joyfully humble.

Keeping Silence and Moderation in Speech

Degrees 9 to 11 of the Rule concern the tongue: holding back one's words, not being scattered, speaking little and gently. This is no small matter. Pride expresses itself above all through the mouth—putting oneself forward, recounting one's exploits, judging, having the last word, interrupting. Practicing silence (not saying everything about oneself, not commenting on everything) and moderation in speech is an exercise in humility of surprising effectiveness, and one that can be verified daily. Scripture observes: “Too much talking, and sin is never avoided” (Pr 10:19)^[25]—Saint Benedict makes this his ninth degree—and a soul that keeps silence more often comes to know itself better.

📖 For the related struggle: How to grow in the fight against pride—the necessary counterpart to growth in humility.

A formidable paradox: one can make humility itself a source of pride, or turn it into a poison. Two main pitfalls lie in wait.

False Humility and Discouragement

False humility lowers itself so that it may be lifted up, or belittles itself to be contradicted. Its subtler cousin is discouragement: believing that feeling worthless, sad, and stuck would be humility. This is false. True humility is peaceful and trusting, because it relies on God, not on oneself. Brooding over one's faults, thinking oneself a hopeless case, dwelling on failures—all this is still wounded self-love that expected better of itself. True humility accepts being weak and entrusts itself to mercy. This is why tradition always links humility and trust: see How to grow in trust and The double abyss: introduction.

Spiritual Pride: Being Proud of One's Humility

The ultimate trap is to compare oneself in humility—to know oneself as more humble than others, to take pleasure in one's progress, to monitor one's advancement as a trophy. This is spiritual pride, the hardest to detect because it feeds on good things. The remedy is to turn one's gaze away from oneself: do not measure your humility, do not take satisfaction in it, but simply love God and serve your neighbor, leaving it to God alone to judge your progress. For the most common confusions and illusions, see Frequent errors concerning humility.

How can one recognize real growth in humility? Not by a feeling, but by fruits—and first of all, by a new peace.

Interior Peace and Freedom of Heart

The humble person has nothing left to defend: neither reputation, nor status, nor image. This death to self-esteem becomes an immense freedom. The Imitation sees in this the source of peace: the more the soul acknowledges its misery and humbles itself, the less anything can trouble it^[26]. One who expects nothing from men can no longer be disappointed by them.

A Charity That No Longer Judges

The more one knows one's own misery, the less one judges that of others. This is an infallible sign of growth: the humble person ceases to notice the faults of others, because he is occupied with his own. Saint Paul makes this a measure of charity: “Be humble enough to consider others better than yourselves” (Phil 2:3)^[27]. A soul growing in humility becomes gentle, indulgent, slow to condemn—not out of laxity, but because it knows itself forgiven.

A Prayer That Opens to God

Finally, humility opens up prayer. The tax collector who does not dare to raise his eyes and beats his breast “went down to his house justified”, unlike the self-satisfied Pharisee (Lk 18:14)^[28]. The more one lowers oneself, the more God can fill: “He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, and has lifted up the lowly” (Lk 1:52)^[29]. Growth in humility is thus seen in the depth and peace of prayer.

One does not grow in a virtue by fixing it as an abstract ideal, but by contemplating those who have lived it. And humility has two perfect masters.

The Magnificat: Humility That Sings

Mary is the perfect model of humility—not a sad humility, but a radiant and singing humility. Recognizing that all comes from God, she claims nothing for herself and returns all glory to Him:

“He has looked upon his lowly servant; from now on all generations will call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me; holy is his name!” — Gospel according to Saint Luke 1:48-49 (Magnificat)^[30]

The Marian secret of humility is this: not to deny the “great things”, but to attribute them to the Mighty One. This is exactly the definition given by Saint Francis de Sales. To take Mary as mistress is to learn to receive great graces while remaining “the humble servant”.

“Learn from Me”: Jesus Humble of Heart

Jesus alone said: “Learn from me”—and it is for humility:

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” — Gospel according to Saint Matthew 11:29^[31]

Saint Paul unfolds this self-emptying to its fullness—the kenosis, God making Himself the last of all:

“He who, being in the condition of God, […] emptied himself, taking the condition of a servant […]. He lowered himself, becoming obedient unto death, even death on a cross.” — Letter to the Philippians 2:6-8^[32]

To contemplate this God kneeling before his disciples (Jn 13) is the most powerful means: before such loving abasement, pride has no arguments left. To grow in humility, ultimately, is to become like Christ.

Humility does not grow through grand, heroic decisions, but through small, repeated acts of fidelity. The means we have studied can be summed up in a simple program, graduated from the most accessible to the most demanding:

How to read the table: none of these exercises is spectacular; it is their faithful repetition that transforms. Start with one or two, keep at them, then add more.

The essential thing is not to aim for humility in general, but to seize, today, the concrete opportunity that presents itself—this remark to accept, this thankless task, this compliment to return to God. For, as the Imitation reminds us, it is in the small things that growth happens: "He who neglects small things will fall little by little"^[33]. And God, faithful to his promise, "gives his grace to the humble": at every true step downward, he responds with a gift that lifts up.

• Knowledge of the nothingness of man, which produces humility — the nature of humility as true self-knowledge before God, and the five degrees of Saint Francis de Sales.
• What do the saints say about humility — a selection of great sayings from the saints and doctors on this virtue.
• Common errors concerning humility — false humility, discouragement, scruples: confusions to avoid.
• The necessity of humility and the danger of pride — why humility is central and pride so formidable.
• How to grow in the fight against pride — the reverse side of the same path.
• How to grow in trust — the twin virtue, without which humility remains sterile.
• Humility and trust: changing our view of our sins — practical application in daily life.